☕ Decaf Amnesty Program.
☕ The Decaf Amnesty Program
Have you or someone you love been drinking decaf? We can help.
This is a safe space — judgment-free, caffeine-free no more.
Your 5-Step Rehabilitation Program
1Admit the Grind — “My name is [Your Name], and I once drank decaf.”
2Purge the Pantry — Find every decaf blend. Remove it humanely.
3Re-Caffeinate Responsibly — Start small. Expect joy, focus, and jittery genius.
4Rebuild Trust with Your Barista — Apologise. Bring a real flat white.
5Join the Resistance — You’re one of us now. Fully caffeinated forever.
🎟️ Your Official Pardon
Congratulations, Comrade — you’re clean. Celebrate with 10% off your first order.
CODE: REDEEMCAFFEINE
📜 The Oath
I solemnly swear to reject decaf, embrace caffeine, and never stir without purpose.
☕ Success Stories from the Reformed
“Day 7 without decaf. I can feel colours again.” – Jamie P.
“Espresso cured my fear of Mondays.” – Anonymous Survivor
“I thought I liked herbal tea. I was wrong.” – Lucy R.