☕ 5 Signs You’ve Been Served Decaf Without Consent

A public service announcement from the Anti-Decaf Society.

Let’s face it — betrayal comes in many forms, but none hit harder than an unannounced decaf. You sit there, expecting rocket fuel, and get… dishwater. Here’s how to know if you’ve been wronged.

1️⃣ The Calm Before the Non-Storm

You finished your “coffee,” and yet — nothing. No pulse spike, no sudden career clarity, no urge to reorganise your entire life. Suspicious.

2️⃣ The Barista Avoids Eye Contact

Classic guilt behaviour. If they’re suddenly too busy wiping the counter when you take that first sip — you’ve been decaffed.

3️⃣ Your Brain Feels Betrayed

Real coffee unlocks the ideas dimension. Decaf unlocks… small talk.

4️⃣ It Tastes “Fine”

No, coffee shouldn’t taste “fine.” It should slap you awake, whisper rebellion, and taste like consequence.

5️⃣ You’re Still Yawning

Enough said. File a complaint with your nearest Anti-Decaf Society chapter immediately.

☕ Join the Resistance: Never get fooled again. Stock your own arsenal of real caffeine here.